Hey guys,

         It's been way too long....but I guess I can fill ya'll in on the past couple months. I finished out the quarter at AiP with decent grades. Better than I thought, but this quarter I'm trying harder. I've been feeling a hella lot better than the last time I updated. Things have been looking up. I had an awesome Christmas break. Spent some time with all the ppl in my life who really matter and I even made some new friends. I did get my eye busted open though and shoulda got stitches...but I didn't! lol...that was a crazy night. Also I had a good Christmas, although it wasn't the same as last year or the years before. Growing up sucks. I remember when Christmas was such an excitement....u'd stay up all night trying to listen for Santa, then wake up around 5 in the morning. Haha, well not this year. We slept till 10 and got half the amount of presents. Still a great day though. I started my second quarter at AiP today. Had my intermediate black and white photo class. Lauren and I finally had a class together. And my teacher is really gay, he's new and just really goofy. I'm just glad I don't have any 8 o'clock classes. That was rough. Anyways, nothing else epic or wildly interesting is going on in my life. Come see my in Pittsburgh...it'll be fun.promise.

Loves...Em

Hey guys,

          This is gonna be fairly short, but I seriously needed a break from my drawing class or else I was gonna hang myself! My life is a GODDAMN roller coaster....I don't know how to begin. The emotional ups and downs have gotten the best of me and I know for sure that I'm in a depression. Pittsburgh sucks balls and all the ppl in it too can kiss my ass. My classes and the sole purpose of why I'm here are the only reason I stick around. I contemplated coming home, but to what? If anyone can think of why I should come back to the Ville....besides to be with my friends and family then please let me know. I know my roomate Lauren hates it here too and she will prolly move next year. I live one day at a time and don't even care to look to the future so I can't tell where I'll be next year. All I know is that Lauren is one of the biggest reasons I'm still here. She has helped me a lot. And if she leaves...well then I'll  be lost. I don't even know why I go back to Zanesville on the weekends anymore....there's soo much drama and conflict I can't even stand it. I guess if it wasn't for my closest friends and my mom I wouldn't even bother. I wish they would come see me once in a while. Sienna Miller was right....this is Shittsburgh....

well, i guess i need to go back to hell....AKA drawing class....leave me some comments to let me know you're still there.....

Hey guys,

             Well, as I sit here crying....with no one around..I keep asking myself why I'm here. Seriously...what is it that I'm supposed to be doing at this point in my life? Whatever it is it just doesn't feel right. I spend most of  my days in a daze, not really caring about anything. Partying doesn't even do it for me anymore. All I want to do is be alone or else go back to Zanesville to the people I really care about...but even then that's only making the glass half full. I'm thinking about leaving Pittsburgh...I want to be successful and I'm doing everything but. I cannot be a failure and that's what I'm doing. Fucking it all up. And I feel stupid for caving in...someone please beat the shit outta me...maybe that will knock some sense in my head. It's not just being homesick and longing for my old life back, it's the city. I can't go run normal errands without wanting to run my car off a cliff....it takes ungodly amounts of time. Today I went tanning and to the grocery store and that took 2 hours. There's other factors that are too personal and frankly too self-depreciating to talk about on here that make me feel the way I do and I won't go into detail. I think that's there's just a time in everyone's life when they question who they are. I've always been a weak minded person and when things get tough sometimes I don't know how to deal. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet...I just know that I'm not happy and I should be because I'm young and young people are supposed to be happy. Right?

Currently Listening Don't You Fake It By The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus see related

Hey guys,

          It's been a minute since I've uupdated, and now that I have a minute I can fill you in on my new, busy life. Most of the time I feel like I'm going in circles since all I do is go to school then come back to the dorms. I'm not really familar with everything yet so I don't really go anywhere. I've been to all the necessary stores like Walmart and Target. I could walk but I'd rather take the bus. I just feel more safe that way. I like to walk around the city with my roomate Lauren and some of the other friends I've made when we go take pictures. It' easy to take a whole roll of film with a city like this. There's a billion things to photograph. Lauren and I get along soo well. I couldn't of asked for a better roomie. We have a lot in common and like to party our asses off. We've already made soo many memories. Last Friday we went to a party in the South Side (which is right across the bridge by our school). There were soo many people and you had to pay $5 to get in and get a cup for the keg. I think that's how college students pay their rent around here. lol. I also had my first experience at a Hooka bar. Lauren and her two friends and our friend Kenny all went. It was soo chill and relaxing. That's just what I need right now..some relaxation. I do miss home a lot. I was perfectly fine with the way things were until I realized that I was going nowhere. All those days at the OOZE (that's OUz for those who didnt know), with Sean, Ward and everyone else were soo much fun. Just knowing that I was gettting up for school to go hang out with those guys was soo comforting. Then we all went our seperate ways. But, I am confident that I've made the right decision in coming here. I feel like I finally know where my life is going. The classes here are tough, especially my photography ones. I'm catching on, but I'm a perfectionist so I do a lot of self-criticizing. We also have critique in class which I get a lot of contructive criticism. I try not to take it personally, I have to keep in mind that most of the people here have had more practice than me. I really miss my bestest Nicole. She is going through a tough time right now and I just wish I could be there to help her through it. But she knows that she can call me whenever and I will gladly talk to her all night if she wanted. There are plenty of things to do and I want everyone to come visit me so I can make you a part of my new life. I have not, by far, forgot my old one, so please, whenever it works for you, it works for me. Anyways, I must eat something now...that's something I don't do very often now either, which doesn't really bother me, but either way, I make time for that when I can. Leave me a bunch of comments and let me know how much u miss me! It'll make me feel better, trust me!! lol.....until next time....

Love~N~Peace

THE RED JUMPSUIT APPARATUS LYRICS

"Cat And Mouse"

Softly we tremble tonight,
picture perfect fading smiles are all that's left in sight,
I said I'd never leave you'll never change
I'm not satisfied with where I'm at in life.

Am I supposed to be happy?
With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
Am I supposed to be happy?
With all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
You said, you said that you would die for me...

We made plans to grow old,
believe me there was truth in all those stories that I told.
Lost in a simple game cat and mouse are we the same people as before this came to light?

Am I supposed to be happy?
with all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
Am I supposed to be happy?
with all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
You said, you said that you would die for me...

You must live for me too'...
For me too...yeah, yeah...
You said that you would die for me...

Am I supposed to be happy?
with all I ever wanted, it comes with a price.
Am I supposed to be happy?
with all I ever wanted, it comes with a price
You said, you said that you would die for me...

Hey guys,

              Tonight I think I am truly depressed. Leaving everyone in Zanesville again for the second time was more heartbreaking that the first weekend. I cried the whole way back to Pittsburgh. Then my mom had to call, who I didn't get to see this weekend cause she was in South Carolina. That just made me more upset. I wish I coulda seen her. But, I did get to see Molly and Matt and for that I was glad. Everything has changed soo quick. I just keep telling myself that in order to get what u truly want u have to make some sacrifices. This is what I want: I want to be a photographer. And to do that, I am at one of the best schools I could ask for. This is my sacrifice. It's not soo bad now that I'm here with Lauren. She's just super cool and we get along great. It's just the city that intimidates me. It's so big and I'm always scared of being late or getting lost. I'm afraid of failure. I don't want to fail, I want to be great. What am I supposed to do if I suck? I don't have a backup plan as of right now. I guess I'll just push failure outta the picture and try my best.

            On the other hand...z-ville was happening this weekend and I had a lot of fun. Friday a bunch of us went to see Texas Chainsaw Massacre. The first one was better but I still liked it. I'm not a fan of lots of gore, I get a stomach ache just watching someone getting their faced ripped off. Disgusting. But the new theater is better than I'd imagined. I was impressed. Afterwards Erin and I went to Wes's. He was totally wasted and too far gone to hold normal conversations...so with a couple little unfortunate incidents we got the fuck outta there. We took Thomas and Jared with us to our friend Craig's. That was a good time. I didn't get a chance to sleep much that night...I didn't get to bed until like 7:00 a.m. Saturday I spent the day with Frank...he went around with me to take picures of bridges for my photo assignment. I felt like I did a pretty good job. We met Erin at Chipotle. It was delicious. I had never ate there before. After that, Frank and I went to Winerak and got some Vodka then met Erin back at her house to watch the Buckeyes game. It was soo boring....come on Bowling Green...next time try to give us a game! haha. I was planning on having ppl over for a fire at my house. So we got that going around 9 thanks to Jared and Thomas. There ended up being a good amount of ppl there. I was happy. Nicole came too, which was awesome. She was sick Friday and still Saturday, but she came and got fucked up...haha, she's my girl. We both had hangovers all day Sunday so we just lounged around then Linds came and hung out for awhile and we just shot the shit..lol. I had a really good time this weekend. I don't know if I'll be coming home this weekend yet or not, but I hope so. It just depends on my homework load. I hope to see everyone again next weekend.... I love u guys!!!

Love~N~Peace

Em